


i have the right to destroy myself.

by strangledleaf



Category: The Last of Us, The Last of Us Part II - Fandom, the last of us part 2, tlou - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Major character death - Freeform, Oneshot, Suicide, The Last of Us - Freeform, VideoGame, elliedina, farmhouse gays, it's not very happy ..
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25163500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangledleaf/pseuds/strangledleaf
Summary: 'i don't want to lose you.'--dina finds something very unexpected in the barn one morning.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	i have the right to destroy myself.

**Author's Note:**

> hello i wanted to write an angst/sad elliedina oneshot.  
> TRIGGER WARNING: references to suicide, sort of graphic description of blood/death. take care

it’d been morning when she’d found her.

she’d never been prepared for it. she’d never really thought to.

never wanted to.

the darkness never bargained, never reasoned.

dina knew it’d been hurting her, and she did everything she could to stick by her.

but she didn’t realise how far it had gone.

she didn’t realise it’d taken control of ellie, completely, submerging her mind until there was nothing left of her. she thought, at least for now, ellie was still in control. still able to handle it.

the limp body on the floor of the barn said different.

it was stupid of her to think she was okay. she’d left her alone for one fucking evening.

she shouldn’t have done that, she knew that now, but she thought ellie was getting better, she thought she’d broken the cycle of revenge and was healing. yes, dina knew things weren’t completely better, she knew it would always hurt her somehow… but she thought she’d made it clear enough that she was there for her and she wouldn’t leave.

_‘i don’t want to lose you.’_

she couldn’t even look at her now.

a thin, congealed line of blood stretched out, pooling across the barn floor, staining the stray pieces of straw scattered around.

although it was relatively dark, dina could still make out tearstains on ellie’s once rosy cheeks. she’d gone cold now, her lips a faint tinge of blue. her green eyes still stared back at her, no longer filled with that tender warmth her gaze would always provide.

now they were just empty.

dina couldn’t remember how long she’d cried for.

her throat ached, her eyes were sore, but when all she could still feel was the touch of her girlfriend’s frigid hands it sent her spiralling once more. eventually her throat dried up. her head throbbed, and her voice was nothing but a husk.

she shut her eyes.

ellie was still there, vivid as ever, her smile decorating the inside of her lids.

it was only now that the full extent of ellie’s death began to hit her.

only now did the sense of incompleteness begin to fill her.

only now did she realise that the bed would be empty, her warmth would be gone, her sleeping face and early morning smiles. only now did she realise that she'd never get to weave their fingers together delicately after being intimate, never get to see ellie's flushed cheeks and her dazed grin. only now did she realise that she'd never get to bury her head in ellie's shoulder while hugging, especially after a long day, never get to feel the soft fabric of her shirt against her fingers. only now did she realise that she’d never get to see ellie playing with jj, carrying him around the house, hearing them both laugh. that jj would never get to see truly what a strong, inspiring woman she was. only now did she realise that there’d be no more gentle guitar notes filling the farmhouse, no more of her soft singing to dina, and to distract herself.

well. she didn’t need to be distracted anymore. 

dina scrunched her eyes tighter, inducing an even worse headache.

the house would be full of her smell; her clothes she'd worn the day before, her side of the bed. she'd even borrowed dina's shirt a while ago, and that still held remnants of it.

how could she go back now?

oh, dina would give the world to have _her_ come back.  
but, no matter how hard she hoped, she couldn’t.

she wouldn't.

opening her eyes, dina knew she didn’t have much time left. she’d need to clean the barn up at somepoint, especially before jj woke up.

but she still couldn’t exactly bring herself to take another look, let alone pick her up. it’d become real then, too real. tangible.

ellie would truly be gone.

but dina knew she had to stay strong. for herself, for jj, and definitely for ellie.

so, taking a deep breath, dina slung her arm underneath ellie’s knees, another underneath her back, and did her best to pick her up.

\--

the tree hadn’t been touched since ellie engraved jj’s name into it with her blade.  
yet now, that same switchblade was now sticking out, proudly, underneath the heart.

being held up by the blade was now a rather tattered picture. just about visible, it displayed ellie, precariously balancing a newborn jj in her arms, with dina smiling next to her.

and behind her,

was standing joel.


End file.
